C-options : Life is a web of woven choices sometimes the options need to be seen.

The Passover

2011-07-19T12:32:00.000-07:00

THE PASSOVER

When all of life is gone, it has not,
there’s much more ,it’s just the beginning,
and you’re just moving on .
You think that you are leaving this world,
you’re not, you’ve just begun.

You can be anywhere you want to be ,
and yet still be where you ought to be.
Farewells become nonsense,
unfettered by emotion , such a freedom
waiting just one step hence.

You are beyond the confines of time,
a lifetime ,passes in space of a dream.
You have an overview,
you are there to soothe their sweating brow‘s
knowing that they’ll come through.

You become the master of you’re house.
You realise this world is just a home,
in each room , one we love.
No matter where they may have travelled
you watch them from above.

You are landlord, caretaker, minder now,
no one even knows that you are there.
You cannot change their fate,
but you can ease their passage through time,
by helping them to relate

Chia the new super food

2011-07-12T03:04:00.000-07:00

Having recently read the brilliant book by Christopher McDougall "Born to Run" I have been inspired to change my diet yet again. The most startling find has been Chia seeds.

They are most certainly the "new" super food. I say new in inverted comma's because they have been around for years,no centuries.

I have used them for about ten days and seen a dramatic reduction in my blood pressure and a rise in my energy. Clinical studies have shown them to achieve both.

These seeds were made famous by the Tarahumara Indians who could run a deer to death in order to kill their prey in a less blood thirsty way than most hunters. They are amazing! The seeds and the Tarahumara!Check them out and you will be too!

EFT

2011-03-08T09:51:00.000-08:00

Eft is an amazing technique. I have used it in so many ways to improve performance, alleviate pain,create confidence,stabilize emotional trauma, help remove the effect of unwanted memories and so much more. The funniest event I remember which I retell with permission was when I had someone under hypnosis and they suddenly jumped up and began hopping around holding their leg and screaming in pain. In a moment of panic I quickly explained to the client that they need to tap on their hand at the karate chop point and say 3 times "Even though I have this awful pain in my leg i absolutely love....something they love. The sight of a 70 years old 15 stone man hopping around saying "Even though I have this awful pain in my leg I absolutely love sex" left me finding it hard to keep my empathetic caring demeanour. I am pleased to say the pain went away immediatly and the client went to hospital on my advice to find that he had a health problem that was caught in time for it to develop no further.

EFT_Rwanda_Video.flv

2011-03-08T09:21:00.000-08:00

Healing Meditations.

2010-03-02T03:16:00.000-08:00

I am currently very privileged to have the help of my nephew Kevin Riley who is I think a rising star in the music world.

Currently living and working in France Kevin is helping me to produce backgrounds for healing meditations and hypnosis. The first attempt can be heard on my website
www.c-options.co.uk.

If we hear from you that you like what we are doing there may be more meditations in the pipeline. The fist meditation is designed to help you to achieve deep relaxation and to allow your mind to wander and wonder.

The meditation was inspired by a childhood experience when I was due to go on a beach horse ride but missed it because the evening papers were late and I had to finish my paper round prior to the ride.

That ride went without me and failed to return. The riding school owner, several children, and the horses all lost their lives to the sea.

Apparently the sea mist came down and enveloped them, causing them to lose their bearings whilst the sea surrounded them on a sand bank.

I'll never forget the night search when the ride failed to return and the awful discovery the next day as bodies were returned to the beach.

In memory of those who lost their lives that night I have created this meditation titled misty beach. When I listen to it I swear I can hear the cries of help from the lost souls.

The music has been tested against bio-feedback and can be scientifically show to have a beneficial effect upon your physiology.

Other themes I have in mind are "In the arms of our father" which will aim to create a protected feel and notes in a bottle which will help decision making.

The Head and the Heart

2010-02-07T21:02:00.000-08:00

The Head and the Heart

Do You Know Your ABC?

2010-02-06T10:26:00.000-08:00

ABC THEORY.
Have you learned your abc?
The American psychologist Albert Ellis (1913–2007) developed rational-emotive therapy (RET), which is a directive, confrontational psychotherapy designed to challenge and modify clients’ irrational beliefs thought to cause their personal distress (Ellis, 1961, 1977, 1979,1987). RET is based on Ellis’ ABC theory (Wood & Wood, 1993).

The A refers to the activating event,
the B to the person’s belief about the event,
and the C to the emotional consequence that follows.
Ellis believed that it is not the event that causes the emotional consequence, but rather the person’s belief about the event;
that is, A does not cause C, but B causes C.
If the belief is irrational (lacking in reason), then the emotional consequence can be extreme distress.
Because real life does not conform to such unreasonable beliefs as ‘‘I should be happy all of the time’’ or ‘‘I have to be perfect,’’ people who hold such beliefs are open to frustration and unhappiness.
DO YOU HOLD ANY SUCH BELIEFS?......................................................
If you are holding onto an irrational belief you may be seeing an undesirable event as catastrophic when in reality it is a disappointment or an inconvenience which should normally cause anxiety to anyone.
ARE YOU MAKING A MOUNTAIN OUT OF A BIG BUMP IN THE ROAD?
Ellis further suggests that the brief anxious feeling when held onto becomes the condition known as anxiety. Likewise the immediate feeling of depression when it is not challenged can become the condition known as depression. (Ellis,1987).
Life Coaches and therapists use RET (rational emotive therapy) and ABC to help clients to see that often they are seeing things based upon faulty beliefs. Also that, they then form expectations which are unrealistic which causes them to have the problems they present with.
As clients replace unreasonable beliefs with more realistic beliefs they manage to react in ways that produce better results.
Better results when formed into life patterns create a better life built upon constructive behaviour.
I have personally developed a model based upon this which I call the EROS principal. This helps me to give my clients a structure which is easily learned and offers a quick method of addressing reactive thoughts based upon sometimes faulty interpretation of events.

The youths who burgled my mum

2010-01-22T10:30:00.000-08:00

The youths who burgled my mum

The Social Trance HypnosisEvent

2010-01-05T07:38:00.000-08:00

Chris Hughes has achieved 30,000 downloads of a free mp3 hypnosis recording which resulted from a failed attempt at a world record on World Hypnosis day. It only failed due to legal issues preventing it from happening as a live experiment. I was sceptical at first as to his motives but have been reassured by his colleague that this was not a brilliant marketing scam. I was intrigued at the power of 8000 people all being hypnotized at the same time. The power of so many people in trance together would surely have been a unique experience.

This being the case I can only applaud Chris for reaching so many people overnight and spreading the use of self-hypnosis. My own sister has tried the download and says it is great I got it from http://www.socialtrancelive.co.uk/ .

Chris received a lot of nasty responses to his failure to deliver the live event. That is very sad. Indeed I was critical of him and was quoted in an Italian newspaper as commenting on the event. I should just clarify that the way it was presented in that article may have suggested I was some kind of expert on hypnosis. I am not, despite being taught by one of the best (Brian Glenn of Innervisions).
But I did see the opportunity to engage in what was perhaps one of the best ever attempts to bring hypnotism to the forefront of many thousands of people at one time. I expected many more hypnotherapists to engage on twitter and to take the chance of spreading the word but alas I found myself alone on twitter.
Eventually my wife Jenny realized everyone appeared to be on facebook. A varied discussion was opened on facebook which I hope eventually comes out on the positive side. All in all and not knowing Chris if I believe his supporters I must say well done mate, a brave venture, a gamble but could be the event will raise your profile to where you should be at the same time as introducing many newcomers to hypnosis.

Eft and Hypnosis

2009-12-03T06:51:00.000-08:00

Eft and Hypnosis

A Journey into the archives of my mind.

2009-12-03T06:07:00.000-08:00

A Journey into the archives of my mind.

Exciting new trials

2009-10-27T21:53:00.000-07:00

I'm really excited at a new idea I've had. As you may know I have been using a treadmill in some different ways to get the greatest value out of time spent on it. Well my latest thoughts are mind blowing. I am using Eft whilst on the treadmill which is very effective because of the brain chemicals that exercise frees up. Even more exciting is an elaborate system of using left brain right brain stimuli whilst on the tread mill in the form of affirmations slipped under the subconscious guards whilst the mind is concentrating on left curls, right curls both arm curls etc. It has massive implications for behavioural change. C-options is getting better and better. Just need a few more guinee pigs! Contact me via www.c-options.co.uk if you want to take part!

What is Reiki?

2009-09-05T02:03:00.001-07:00

REIKI

Reiki (Ray-Key) is a Japanese word meaning universal life energy. It is a system of Natural Healing which involves the laying on of hands. It is believed to have been used for many thousands of years and developed by ancient civilisations before the invent of sophisticated medicine. Passed on to the Monks of Tibet it eventually was lost to the world until it was rediscovered by a Japanese Theologian by the name of Dr Mikao Usui.

Mikao Usui went into meditation for 21 days determined to find a way of convincing his students that the healing miracles which are recorded in the bible are in fact available to us all.

When he came back from his mountain retreat Mikao had been given symbols and a method by which to share healing with the world.

Reiki practitioners receive attunements from a Reiki master and this allows them to become a pure and open channel for the universal healing energy. In essence they become like an aerial which can receive the universal energy and by the laying of hands connect you to it. The movement of the practitioners hands then helps the energy to flow through the recipient like water clearing and cleansing your whole being.

l personally believe that we all have a part of ourselves that acts as our own natural pharmacist. This part of us can dispense just the right chemicals throughout our bodies at the time that we need it to, to cure many illnesses, fight off diseases and uplift our emotions.

I believe that healing methods such as Reiki allow the recipients to enter a deep state of quiet which allows them to access this pharmacy subconsciously ask the right questions and answer the bodies needs for well being.

You may if you wish form a silent intent to ask for the help of your own internal pharmacist to activate your own remedies and heal or improve any particular physical or emotional issue that you may have.

I have had some amazing feedback from Police Officers some of whom need evidence in order to believe that black is black and white is white. Reiki can produce results that are hard to believe and even harder to prove. The problems to which it can been applied are diverse and limited only by the imagination.

Jappa Meditation

2009-08-30T00:10:00.000-07:00

For anyone who wanted to know more about Jappa the meditation that possibly saved my life I found this article on the web by a chap named Ferdinand.It says more than I would have said.

Japa meditation is an ancient form of meditation that employs a combination of a mantra and prayer beads to sooth the mind and spirit. There’re many religions that make utilise of Japa meditation, Although the most well known example is from the saying of rosary beads in the Catholic church.

The first principle of Japa meditation is the mantra. The mantra is either a word or phrase that has significance to you. In numerous cases, the mantra is a verse from a religious text, or a series of verses from the same text. For others, it may simply be the names of their deities or a concept that gives them comfort and piece. When picking your mantra, any word will do. There is no right or wrong when it comes to Japa meditation, simply the act of repeating the word and focusing on what the meaning of the mantra holds for you. As the purpose is to soothe and concentrate your mind, body and spirit, you should select words that assist you reach that goal. A common error by those beginning Japa meditation is constant repetition of the same words. Do not feel like you can not transform your mantra. If you get bored after a short period of time, convert your mantra slightly. Try to repeat the same phrases for at least five minutes before switching to permit your mind to focus and your body to start to relax.

Prior to you begin your Japa meditation session, it is proposed that you start with a prayer to your deity, then start the mantra.

While you are repeating your mantra in Japa meditation, you will be utilising your prayer beads, or your Mala. A Mala includes 109 beads, one of which is larger than the rest of the beads. The larger bead is referred to as the Meru. Your fingers will count the beads each time you repeat the mantra. After 108 repetitions, you’ll start the Mala again, circling in the other direction. At no time should you count the Meru.

In Japa meditation, the correct way to hold a Mala strand is to clasp it between your hands, holding the strand of beads in your dominate hand. You will go through, or roll. the beads utilising your thumb and 3rd finger. Your index finger shouldn’t be utilized at any time. The strand of Mala should hang below your hands, but should the Meru should not drop below your naval.

When you are utilizing Japa meditation, you should never at once jump up and resume normal activities the instant youre completed the number of sets that you wished to do. It is recommended that you reflect and relax for ten minutes afterwards, so that you can sustain your spiritual concentrate. During this time, you should concentrate on a prayer or the sense of oneness with your deity.

The power of intention

2009-08-26T01:59:00.000-07:00

Seven years ago I became very intent upon meditation. I learned of a sound meditation called Jappa from listening to a Wayne Dyer Audio set. I went on holiday to Spain, just a two and half hours flight.

At that time I was running marathons and was very fit. In the early morning on this holiday I would run up into the mountains and meditate. About the second day as I ran I felt a twinge in my calf muscle. As I sat meditating on a mountain ledge overlooking the sea I felt so good. I could not think of anything I wanted to manifest.

Jappa is known as the meditation of manifestation and you are supposed to form an intent and let it go whilst you meditate. Then in the East practitioners believe the intention will manifest if this is practiced for about 15 days.

I remember being sat there without a care in the world. In my role as a Police Officer I had not had one single day sick in 23 years! Then it came into my mind that I may have a blood clot in my leg. I dismissed the thought.

The next day I was walking with my wife and leg went bang! I attended the medical centre and was told my calf muscle had pulled. I suggested it was a clot but they seemed to think I was one.

I spent the next 12 days on crutches and returned to work after the holidays offering to do office work so as not to lose my perfect attendance record. After a week I attended the local hospital saying my injury was not improving and suggesting I may have a clot, they too seemed to think I was one and told me I had a torn calf.

10 days later I was in agony with back pain. In the night I got my wife to phone the local hospital but they fobbed her off telling me to visit my GP the next day.

That night I did Jappa and thought I had fallen asleep sat in the chair as I was awoken by the streaming sunlight at 5 am. I felt energised, the best I had felt for years! I wrote my wife a note saying that I had cured myself and gone to work! I later learned from my son that I kept him awake all night by constantly repeating the sound of Jappa, I swear this must have been in a none conscious state.

By 5pm that day I was in hospital, the story there is one for another day! To cut it short I had had a blood clot which had moved through my heart, (the pulmonary embolism kills 1 in three)

To this day I do not know if the meditation, helped the blood clot to form (my original thought), or helped me to survive a near death experience.

I have another two stories on Jappa that are equally strange but they are not for today. What I did learn was that I am always careful about what I think about before meditation. I try to be very positive an enter into it with an attitude of gratitude.

Personality Tests

2009-08-20T07:14:00.000-07:00

At the moment on facebook a lot of people are taking the Myers-Briggs test. I have taken the full test two years ago and took the facebook test recently to find the same results. I would suggest that there are many reasons why people take the test at different times and get differing results.So much of who we are at any given time depends upon our immediate environmental stimulae.

For example after 28 years of being a police officer and never having ever had a bad appraisal I took the test. I then was asessed according to the results to indicate which career I was most suited.

The result was one a psychologist and two a teacher. Police Officer did not even appear in the top ten! So does that mean that after 28 years and two commendations for excellen tPolicework I was not suited?

Or had the fact that I had spent the last six years studying for a degree that was heavily influenced by psychology affected the way I answered? Or the fact that I had just qualified as a teacher?

Or was the test right, I was not suited to be a police officer and yet made the most of it? How much weight should we place on personality profiles? There are so may around to day and many jobs are won or lost based upon their results.

Are they really a short cut to years of intrversion and self-searching. I prefer to think that they are as some of their test titles suggest, personality indicators.

Every Zogey should have a zogey phone

2009-08-15T13:20:00.001-07:00

I hate being a technophobe! It should classifiable as a disability. I never found out how to work my video recorder. Then we got a dvd player. as for mobile phones they baffle me. I just found a phone that is easy to use. It has huge keys and rings like old fashioned phones used to. It looks like a huge touch phone but it only holds three text messages and the memory is full. Damn good excuse for failing to receive important texts. When I got it I failed to read the instructions, something I always fail to do with everything. I'm an instructaphobe too!

I was on the motorway on the way to meet my therapist when I heard this voice " which emergency service do you require"? By the time I realised it was coming from my pocket the so so annoyed operator was shouting "put the phone down now" in the tone of voice that Police use to make criminals put down their weapons.

I soon discovered that it has a red button on the back that if pressed immediatley summons Police Fire or Ambulance. Saves hiring strippergrams on a stag night I suppose.

Anyway I soon was describing my phone as fogey phone. But then I realised that that made me a fogey. So it was necessary for me to create a new title on planet nigel. I am the first official Zogey!

A zogey is a fogey who is young at heart, fit, and full of zest. There are only 9 more official zogey titles so if you know someone worthy of the title let me know.

What is it about 13 ?

2009-08-14T05:28:00.000-07:00

I joined the Police on the 13th Nov 1978. I was in class 13, I was number 13 on the class role. I got promoted in year 13 of my career. I produced a 13 week programme that I was commended for. Was 13 a lucky number for me or was it unlucky? What is luck anyway? Who would I have been if I had not comitted 30 years to one career?

13 is a begining as in teenage years.

Strikingly similar folkloric aspects of the number 13 have been noted in various cultures around the world: one theory is that this is due to the cultures employing lunar-solar calendars (there are approximately 12.41 lunations per solar year, and hence 12 "true months" plus a smaller, and often portentous, thirteenth month). This can be witnessed, for example, in the "12 days of Christmas" of Western European tradition.

It is the smallest integer with eight letters in its spelled out name in English. Iti is just a number!

3:33 am download Psychic Energy

2009-08-13T19:33:00.000-07:00

In May last year I consulted a Psychic who I had met on an EFT course, earlier in the year. I am I think very open minded but even I was unprepared for the degree of accuracy which David revealed.
We met whilst practising EFT and I recall saying to him that he did not seem to be concentrating. His reply was that he is a psychic and there were so many messages coming through for me that he was indeed finding it difficult.

A short while later I was in our local pub when i found myself drawn to speak to a complete stranger. That is unusual for me, I usually do not speak unless I am approached. The man I spoke to bought his drink and sat down next to his wife. I returned to my wife having purchased our drinks, to find that she had sat next to the mans wife.

We all engaged in conversation and it was general chit chat. Then my daughter arrived and came accross with a big smile on her face. She said words to the effect that she should have guessed that I would be talking to this man because he is a local psychic.

Until then he had not revealed this fact to me. Once it was out in the open he said that 'they' were just bombarding him with information for me, and offered me a free reading.

Intrigued I later contacted this man who instructed me to go to the waters edge on our local sea front and collect sea water to take in a jar to the reading with me. I'm sorry but that freaked even me and I chose not to take up his offer.

But it did spur me on to get a reading from David who I met on the EFT course. I must say he was amazing! To date I would say 80% of what he predicted has come true.

He described in detail an event in December where I would return to work having retired and be forced to engage in public speaking, he described a long table and the need for detailed preparation. I told him I was not into Christmas do's and speeches.

In December I found my self in the witness box at an industrial tribunal where I was cross examined for five hours!

He asked me who "Graham" was and said he felt sick as if he was trying to duck something. I said I knew a couple of Grahams but they were not significant to me. He warned me this one was.

3 days later I lost concentration whilst driving and crashed into the back of the vehicle in front of me. The driver of the other vehicle gave me his card his name was Graham. This was my only accident in 30 odd years. I am still being threatened that he is suing for injuries. He was significent!

David told me that I was coming to the end of a chapter in my life and it would be marred by problems around one of my two sons. he even went on to say that it would be the one I least expected. He was so accurate on this it is unbelievable!

He predicted I would work in schools after I retired. By march of this year I had my first contract as a life coach in a local academy, working with teenagers.

He predicted that I would become a healer, I was already a coach, and was at that time completing my second degree Reiki Healing certification. I am currently qualifying as a hypnotherapist.

I could go on and on, but the reason I mention all this is that he said I would receive downloads from my 'powerful oriental guide'. For years now I have been waking and look at the clock to see that it is 3.33am. I am then full of ideas and thoughts but never commit them to paper.

Now I intend to do just that and call it my 3:33 download. Interestingly enough I recall a book by Dr Eric Pearl around spiritual healing in which a Romany told him that healing enrgy comes through on the frequency of 333 hz.

Transcendental Meditation

2009-08-10T19:16:00.000-07:00

A Brief History of Transcendental MeditationTranscendental meditation is a relatively new form of meditating in comparison with Yoga and Buddhist meditation. It was developed by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi in 1957 as a way of developing the mind so that a person can rise above, or “transcend”, beyond the noise and stress of daily life. Maharishi Mahesh Yogi was a student of the famous Hindu Guru, Swami Brahmananda Saraswati. From 1958 onwards, he travelled the world teaching his spiritual regeneration and enlightenment. Transcendental meditation had its beginnings in the Far East and then spread to the western world. After three years of travelling and teaching, Maharishi Mahesh Yogi realized that he needed to train his followers so that they could spread this form of meditation even further. The first international training course was held in Rishikesh, India in 1961. As more and more people all over the world realized the benefits of this form of meditation, scientists began researching it and by 1970 the first scientific papers were published espousing the technique. Since then there have been hundreds of such documents published, all of which show that transcendental meditation:• helps to reduce the stress levels in the body leading to overall good health• helps to increase a person’s creativity• helps to heighten the intelligence level of the meditator• brings about self-realization• could actually help you to live longerTranscendental meditation does not have any religious affiliation, but it did have a political association in the Natural Law Party. This political party was formed in 1992 with the goal of using the principles of the meditation as a way of finding ways to solve the problems of society – crime, injustice, economics and environmental issues.A basic transcendental meditation courses are generally expensive and in spite of the high cost, an estimated five million people all over the world have taken these courses. There are also advanced courses available for extra costs. This process of meditation is relatively easy to learn in the seven-step procedure used in the four days of the course. Each day begins with a two hour lecture and the instruction starts with a ceremony performed by the instructor after which the students learn the technique and start practicing.The principle behind the technique of transcendental meditation is that the source of all thoughts is the deepest level of the subconscious and is far beyond what the normal senses can experience. In this meditation, the practitioner takes one thought or sound and focuses on this so that it can be experienced in the deepest possible way. The Maharishi compared it to a bubble of water that starts deep in the water and is only visible when it reaches the surface. He said that our thoughts are the same way – they start in the subconscious and rise to the conscious level of the mind.In January, 2008, the Maharishi retired as the chairman of the transcendental meditation organization. He passed away the following month in Vlodrop, Netherlands, where he had lived for almost 20 years, coordinating his centers of teaching through an organization known as the Global Country of World Peace.

Teatment of Anxiety

2009-08-04T09:40:00.000-07:00

There are many different types of anxiety disorders, each of which requires a specific anxiety treatment.
Some of the different types that commonly affect a large number of people include
:• panic disorder
• obsessive-compulsive disorder
• generalized anxiety disorder
• social anxiety
• phobias of different items, situations, and locations.

There is no one anxiety treatment that works for all of these types, which is why a medical doctor has to assess the patient to determine the type of anxiety he/she is suffering from. While the symptoms of anxiety may be the same, this does not mean that the same treatment will be effective for different individuals.

Anxiety is a normal reaction to stress and it is possible that no treatment is needed. It is quite common for people to become worried or anxious about a specific situation. They do know what they are worried about and recognize the symptoms of anxiety for what they are.

In this way, they are able to deal with their feelings and symptoms without needing any anxiety treatment from a professional. It is when the anxiety develops into something more serious that has an effect on the patient’s quality of life that a person has to seek treatment.

The doctor or psychiatrist discusses the symptoms with the patient and may even interview the family of the patient to get further information. It is essential to try to identify the root cause of the anxiety in order to determine the most effective method of treatment.

Patients who experience episodes of panic disorder are not typically able to pinpoint anything in particular that triggers these episodes that strike without warning. Choosing the method of anxiety treatment for such a patient is usually done with a consultation between the doctor and the patient.

In some cases, medication is used as a short term treatment and the patient is reassessed at regular intervals. Antidepressants are the most commonly prescribed medications for this type of anxiety.

Patients with obsessive compulsive disorder have an uncontrollable need to repeat an action over and over. They also have disturbing thoughts, which are called obsessions. Medication is often prescribed to help the patient feel better about different situations and to help control the thoughts.

However, the most effective anxiety treatment for this disorder has been cognitive behavior therapy in which the patient is exposed to the source of the obsession and learns how to respond in a healthy manner.

This treatment helps to retrain the brain to respond in a different manner so that the person no longer feels compelled to repeat certain actions.

Anxiety treatment for generalized anxiety disorder involves teaching the patients techniques of self-help in which they can recognize the symptoms of panic and anxiety and calm themselves, thus reducing the symptoms. The treatment can consist of practicing daily relaxation techniques, making changes to one’s lifestyle and practicing meditation.

There are also three types of medication prescribed for this type of anxiety, which include anti-anxiety drugs and antidepressants.Psychological counseling is used as anxiety treatment for those suffering from social anxiety.

At times, depending on how debilitating the disorder is in a patient, antidepressants may be prescribed to help reduce the symptoms of anxiety. Phobias are usually treated with exposure therapy in which the patient is exposed to the source of the fear with increasing frequency until the patient is able to cope when presented with the object, situation, or location.

Feel the Pain

2009-07-20T05:11:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was four years since we lost our sister Pat to cancer. It got me thinking about loss. We must deal with a loss by allowing ourselves to feel the pain. If we do not do this, we often find ways to dress up the way we feel.

This might be by becoming dependent upon someone and creating a new role in our lives. Or it may be by being the opposite and acting totally independent and not needing help from anyone..... the I'm OK stance.

Sometimes we set out to help others in a way that helps us to feel better and disguises how we feel, but this is being untrue to ourselves.

Eventually if we take the dependent role, we fail because we act as if we are in need all the time, but when others try to help us we cannot receive, because if we do we are out of role.

Likewise if we take the independent role we act as if we are unphased by our loss. This is also untrue or it would not be a loss.

By becoming the helper at a time of loss we may be helping others with their pain but hiding our own. I liken that to putting it in a bin liner that we hang over our shoulder out of sight out of mind but likely to need emptying when the burden becomes to heavy to bare. We then fail to help others because we are failing to help ourselves.

Some psychologists suggest we should experience our loss as a child would, not an adult.Children feel pain but get over it quickly compared to adults. It's ok to cry, scream have a tantrum, it may even help you to move on quicker than you would do by adopting a role that is not you.

Finally I leave you with a Rumi poem that helped me to move on after I lost a sister who was very dear to me. I wrote her a last letter, in fact the only letter I ever wrote to her. In it I included this poem to express what love is. I want to share that with you now......

"Those tender words we said to one another
Are stored in the secret heart of heaven
One day like rain they will fall and spread
And their mystery will grow green over the world"

Rumi suggested that death is the wedding feast to eternity, so our loss may be our loved one's gain who knows who cares? We care, by allowing the child inside us to feel the pain we free ourselves to be the adults that our loved one's loved in life.
Be Well...................

3:33 am download

2009-07-19T19:13:00.000-07:00

I often wake in the early hours with the strangest of thoughts on my mind. Today it was which are the two most important letters of the alphabet?
U and I of course. They also stand for understanding and interpreptation which is the key to communication between You and I. If I misinterpret what you say and interupt before I fully understand you then we will be less likely to communicate well. I also stands for important which makes it significant. U also stands for unique which we all are. It is important to recognise our uniqueness. We can find our uniqueness frustrating or fascinating it depends upon our interpretation. I comes before U in the alphabet does that mean I am more important than you? Oh but then to you you are I aren't you? Hmh better go back to bed before the subject of oneness raises it's head. U are great I am great I'll make tea when I get around to it. (Oh no no that roub TUIT again! Thats U and I with two T's . Ok I'll go now and make tea. Good night, er morning!

What's the use of having a Life Coach?

2009-07-18T09:05:00.000-07:00

ARE YOU TRAPPED IN THE SMALL WORD PYRAMID?

Did Michael Jackson have a Life Coach?

As a Life Coach, therapist and trainer (www.c-options.co.uk) I know that many of us have the potential to be much more than we ever achieve.

I know that because I had never read a book until I was I well into my midlife. I then attended university and realised that i could have done so twenty years before.

If only we all understood the importance of allowing someone to reflect back to us what we already know but somehow fail to realise.

Happy?

So where are you at this moment in time? Are you completely happy? Do you know exactly what you want and how to get it? Do you wake up each day and think wow let me out into the world, or do you feel I wish I could lie here all day?

Alternatively, are you so busy that you do not actually have time to think? Do you blindly follow a path each day that leads you to your bed wondering what has been achieved other than being another day older?

Or perhaps you look forward to your bed as a retreat from a lifestyle that saps your energy and leaves you feeling that you have given all and received little in return?

You could have a coach !

f you can relate to any of these feelings it may just be that you could benefit from some lifestyle coaching. Would you drive your car relentlessly day in day out without a service, without checking the oil, water and fuel?

Many people do and survive without a breakdown but the peace of mind achieved by regular service is so much better. So why do so many of us place so little emphasis upon servicing our own mind body and spirit?

Do You know what a Life coach Does?

Despite a significant amount of publicity covering the emergence of life coaching as a profession in the UK, I am regularly asked what a life coach does.

When one considers the slow growth of holistic therapies which are based upon centuries of eastern practice it is perhaps not so surprising that a practice deriving from America with a short western history has not yet established itself in all parts of Britain. (I live in Cleethorpes).

To sum up the benefits of life coaching in one short article would be to do it a disservice. Here I wish to provide a philosophical view which hopefully will appeal also to the scientifically minded reader. I try to describe a visual understanding of my perception of coaching.

What is the Passion Triangle?

Why is lifestyle coaching a worthwhile service? Well let me offer you a philosophy that is not too far from being scientific, based upon what I term as ‘The Passion Triangle’.

The passion triangle is a diagrammatic way to look at what ingredients can play a major role in happiness. Happiness Coaching is now established as a field of coaching in its own right, so we can assume it is an important part of coaching.

As the name ‘Passion triangle’ suggests the first component is passion, which I believe to be must if we are to be happy.

What is passion?

In the passion triangle I am suggesting that passion is a feeling of excitement, an enduring state of mind to which one returns time and time again. A state which always provides a feeling of energy and well being. It is a want, a desire, that pushes other albeit important things aside.

I would argue that if you do not have a passion for anything the likelihood of achieving your true potential is greatly diminished.

Passion alone is not enough you need to have a purpose

Ok so you have passion. Is that enough to maintain a happy state? Motivational trainers would likely say you need goals. Without doubt if you have a purpose towards which you are moving with passion you are some way towards feeling happy. So this is where a coach can be a great asset. A coach can help you to find your passion if it has not yet emerged. A coach can help you to see that what you are passionate about may have areas of potential that you have not as yet realised.

So Yes potential is important too

It could be argued that happiness is proportionate to passion, purpose and potential. Think of an equilateral triangle, with passion at the bottom left, purpose the bottom right and purpose at the peak. On a scale of 1-10 how much do you really want something? On a scale of 1-10 how clearly have you defined the steps towards achieving that goal? On a scale of 1-10 what is the potential for the realisation of your goals?

The area I have defined as happiness could be described in many other ways. It could be thought of as well being, success or comfort. No matter what positive term you choose to apply to it, there will be an increase in capacity proportional to the passion purpose and potential. How big is your passion triangle?

PASSION
PURPOSE The more you have the bigger your triangle!
POTENTIAL

But this theory is flawed!

Ok so there we have a simple symbolic representation that theorises 3 major components of my life coaching philosophy. I happily proffered this model for many years until I realised it was essentially flawed!

I realised that maybe, just maybe, happiness was not the ultimate pursuit.
What if there is something missing?

Then it came to me, there is! Something huge is missing.

My passion triangle is fine for a person who loves something, knows all about what they love and is completely happy planning how they can turn that love into their life’s ambition.

Some people are happy for lifetime planning something that they never actually achieve. Some people spend theirs lives planning their retirement only to have it snatched from them by a cruel twist of fate.

Without Performance achievement is stifled!

However in order to turn that ambition into reality there is one more ‘P’ required!
Performance!

Without performance potential cannot be achieved.

That’s the real value of a coach!

How many of us go it alone ?

How many of us know what needs to be done but for some reason just fail to actually do it? Many of us know what to do to lose weight but remain overweight. Many of us know how to get fit but remain unfit. Many of us know how to relax but remain stressed out.

Yes a coach can help you translate what you know you want and know how to achieve, but somehow fail to get there, into reality.

So my passion triangle grew into the coaching performance pyramid. Symbolically there is a correlation between the stifled individual who has limited passion, little purpose, does not plan nor act out their plans and has nowhere to go and what I call being trapped in my “small world pyramid”.

Alternatively the feeling of freedom and growth that can be achieved by growing one’s passion, creating purposeful plans, and performing the necessary actions to achieve one’s true potential is symbolically represented in the “big world pyramid”.

Some fortunate people can tread this path alone, many need a coach to guide, persuade and cajole them.

Are Life Coaches just for celebrities?

I don't know but wonder, did Michael Jackson have a Life Coach, he could afford the best! He had passion, purpose, potential and certainly performed.

Some of us less talented mortals may shy away from contacting Life Coaches in the fear that it may be an expensive process. This is not necessarily the case.

Life Clubs

Many coaches are prepared to offer Life clubs which considerably cuts the cost of one to one coaching and offers a chance for up to ten people to share ideas and motivational support in an environment which is professionally supervised. Most Life Coaching companies offer a free session as the first meeting without obligation to continue.

Returning to the analogy of fuelling your car a one to one session with a coach can cost less than a tank of petrol but give you the energy for the journey of a lifetime.

A life club session can cost less than a decent bottle of wine yet produce the same feel good factor without the hangover.